I see your point about the usefulness of tapes in commerce, for clarity, and to re-enjoy the sound of another's voice.
And I understand your introduction to that medium from radio days. That certainly explains why it would be a useful tool to you.
BUT, I'll stand by my assertion that having to PROVE anything is a recipe for a disastrous relationship. If you are saying something that I have to tape and play back for you, to make you believe you said it, that would be a one-time learning experience. And vice versa. If I am so poor at memory that I have no recollection of anything important that I told you (I'm not talking about the score of the Braves game two weeks ago), then yes, I need to be made aware of my memory problem.
But if, even one of us needs to use it as a tool IN A RELATIONSHP to PROVE (your word) something the other said, we should NOT be in a relationship with anyone. There are lots of reasons one might use this tool on me, but none are acceptable in a loving relationship. If I am so flawed you NEED to use it on me - rainout. If you are so flawed you need to prove every time you are right -rainout. My point is that in a relationship with someone I love----I should be understanding of her flaws, and she should be understanding of mine. Unless you are interested in having a relationship with someone who both says the wrong thing, and then has either severe memory lapses or multiple personalities, a recording should not be necessary. To me, even the medical reasons for not remembering it do not excuse the original bad deed / words.
I stand by my original 'diagnosis,' and recomendation. I don't care what else recordings are good for, they have no place in a healthy relationship. ( except reminiscing.)
We'll have to agree to disagree about this one.
CG
VL,
I see your point about the usefulness of tapes in commerce, for clarity, and to re-enjoy the sound of another's voice.
And I understand your introduction to that medium from radio days. That certainly explains why it would be a useful tool to you.
BUT, I'll stand by my assertion that having to PROVE anything is a recipe for a disastrous relationship. If you are saying something that I have to tape and play back for you, to make you believe you said it, that would be a one-time learning experience. And vice versa. If I am so poor at memory that I have no recollection of anything important that I told you (I'm not talking about the score of the Braves game two weeks ago), then yes, I need to be made aware of my memory problem.
But if, even one of us needs to use it as a tool IN A RELATIONSHP to PROVE (your word) something the other said, we should NOT be in a relationship with anyone. There are lots of reasons one might use this tool on me, but none are acceptable in a loving relationship. If I am so flawed you NEED to use it on me - rainout. If you are so flawed you need to prove every time you are right -rainout. My point is that in a relationship with someone I love----I should be understanding of her flaws, and she should be understanding of mine. Unless you are interested in having a relationship with someone who both says the wrong thing, and then has either severe memory lapses or multiple personalities, a recording should not be necessary. To me, even the medical reasons for not remembering it do not excuse the original bad deed / words.
I stand by my original 'diagnosis,' and recomendation. I don't care what else recordings are good for, they have no place in a healthy relationship. ( except reminiscing.)
Dude, if you have taped phone conversations for ANY reason you should BOTH end any contact immediately. ANY relationship that has to PROVE what we did / said is off balance. I urge you both to seek therapy (I'd suggest a plainspoken version) to regain a path towards reality. Neither of you is within shouting distance of it now.
And I swear I do not mean this is a mean spirited vein. I mean it as a sincere suggestion to help. You both need it.
Dude, if you have taped phone conversations for ANY reason you should BOTH end any contact immediately. ANY relationship that has to PROVE what we did / said is off balance. I urge you both to seek therapy (I'd suggest a plainspoken version) to regain a path towards reality. Neither of you is within shouting distance of it now.
And I swear I do not mean this is a mean spirited vein. I mean it as a sincere suggestion to help. You both need it.
well, first of all,,,how about posting some nice pictures of Holland..?
Every person I ever met who went on an overseas trip took pictures.
Second, you are trying to rationalize ,,it does not matter what else she is, first and foremost, she is a liar. There is no cure of a lack of conscience.
You are attemtping to romantize what happened as well. She lied. What else do you need to know ?
You were a long shot,,never supposed to actually show up !
If she can attract so many men,,good for her. Typically, women like that will not pick a "nice guy"
She knows what she wants, regardless of what she told you. YOu may have satisified a few requirements, maybe even key ones..but not enough of them to ascend to the Aplha Male position.
This is what Ive meant about being naive..ALL males ARE in competition with ALL other males for the attention of females.Globally, regionally,coutrywide,statewide,county wide, city wide, and right down your street.
You are not equiped to compete in the vast majority of cases.Your pool of available and willing females will be among the smallest portion of ALL females on earth at the same time youare alive.
If you dont deal with the reality of your position, you have no chance of finding what you want.
I happpen to believe that all of us have at least ONE person we are supposed to meet and love and live with.
And when one turns out to nOT be that person, cut your losses, and Say "NEXT" ! We women have been doing that for ions. I suggest you do the same.
well, first of all,,,how about posting some nice pictures of Holland..?
Every person I ever met who went on an overseas trip took pictures.
Second, you are trying to rationalize ,,it does not matter what else she is, first and foremost, she is a liar. There is no cure of a lack of conscience.
You are attemtping to romantize what happened as well. She lied. What else do you need to know ?
You were a long shot,,never supposed to actually show up !
If she can attract so many men,,good for her. Typically, women like that will not pick a "nice guy"
She knows what she wants, regardless of what she told you. YOu may have satisified a few requirements, maybe even key ones..but not enough of them to ascend to the Aplha Male position.
This is what Ive meant about being naive..ALL males ARE in competition with ALL other males for the attention of females.Globally, regionally,coutrywide,statewide,county wide, city wide, and right down your street.
You are not equiped to compete in the vast majority of cases.Your pool of available and willing females will be among the smallest portion of ALL females on earth at the same time youare alive.
If you dont deal with the reality of your position, you have no chance of finding what you want.
I happpen to believe that all of us have at least ONE person we are supposed to meet and love and live with.
And when one turns out to nOT be that person, cut your losses, and Say "NEXT" ! We women have been doing that for ions. I suggest you do the same.
Answers to your questions from MY point of view and experiences:
1. What would I do if I loved some one that I was meeting for the first time and they lied to me about being intimate with someone else?
Once you've been betrayed, it's the beginning of the end. It changes everything. Forgiving someone for making a mistake is acceptable. However, the minute this person does a no show, comes home late, or cannot be reached via phone, you'll wonder where they are and with who. Capable of doing it once makes it easier to do it again. People can change but usually the betrayal has done to much damage to fix that relationship. Hopefully the cheater takes what they've learned to the next relationship.
2. Does a person who lies to another who says they love you really change their ways?
People change in some small way every single day. Maybe it goes unnoticed or has little impact. Saying you love someone else shouldn't mean you have to change who you are in order for the relationship to work out. Compromising sets you up for the blame game. "I changed that for you!" "I did it for US!" etc... COMMON ground is where you and the other person can both give a little and still stand comfortably. Asking someone to change in order to satisfy your own reasoning is unfair and never works out.
3. Is it all a delusion within their minds to really be able to love?
Because someone else doesn't live up to your idea of what love is, doesn't mean that how they choose to show they love someone is wrong. There is no right or wrong. It's where you stand and how firmly you stand behind it. You go on and on about what love is supposed to be and how it should be but you fail to see or understand that is ONLY how YOU view love. How YOU accept it in your mind. Some will agree with your thoughts, some will disagree.
4. How would you know the truth about the possibility of real growth and change within the relationship?
This question is easy. You know the possibility of growth and change are there when you see it happening. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. If someone says they're going to change then they need to step up and do it. Giving someone a million chances to show you they can change means you allowed 999,999 times before that they didn't really mean what they said. SEE the warning signs and act accordingly.
5. Would you walk away and start over with another person? Like the other man did in the reality of this.
I guess you have to ask yourself what your willing to accept and what your not willing to accept. You are basing all of this 'betrayal' on an internet relationship you started with someone a world away. Maybe she found comfort in talking to men from around the world. Maybe it made her feel special, and wanted. Maybe she equates that feeling of being needed, and desired, as love. Despite what she shared with you via typed words online, when it came time for face to face interactions she was completely different than she was online. (according to you). So ask yourself if you're willing to accept what she's willing to give and be ok with it. I would move on. Knowing that I cannot go backwards in where my thoughts are on love I'd have to wish them the best and keep going.
6. Does time matter within a relationship?
Time? Meaning? Big area to cover when I don't know what direction that question goes in. Time together means NOTHING if all it does is pass by. Quantity of time together means nothing compared to quality of time spent together. You can be with someone for 50 years and never really know them. You can meet someone and feel as if you've known them your whole life. What you put into it is what you get out of it.
Answers to your questions from MY point of view and experiences:
1. What would I do if I loved some one that I was meeting for the first time and they lied to me about being intimate with someone else?
Once you've been betrayed, it's the beginning of the end. It changes everything. Forgiving someone for making a mistake is acceptable. However, the minute this person does a no show, comes home late, or cannot be reached via phone, you'll wonder where they are and with who. Capable of doing it once makes it easier to do it again. People can change but usually the betrayal has done to much damage to fix that relationship. Hopefully the cheater takes what they've learned to the next relationship.
2. Does a person who lies to another who says they love you really change their ways?
People change in some small way every single day. Maybe it goes unnoticed or has little impact. Saying you love someone else shouldn't mean you have to change who you are in order for the relationship to work out. Compromising sets you up for the blame game. "I changed that for you!" "I did it for US!" etc... COMMON ground is where you and the other person can both give a little and still stand comfortably. Asking someone to change in order to satisfy your own reasoning is unfair and never works out.
3. Is it all a delusion within their minds to really be able to love?
Because someone else doesn't live up to your idea of what love is, doesn't mean that how they choose to show they love someone is wrong. There is no right or wrong. It's where you stand and how firmly you stand behind it. You go on and on about what love is supposed to be and how it should be but you fail to see or understand that is ONLY how YOU view love. How YOU accept it in your mind. Some will agree with your thoughts, some will disagree.
4. How would you know the truth about the possibility of real growth and change within the relationship?
This question is easy. You know the possibility of growth and change are there when you see it happening. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. If someone says they're going to change then they need to step up and do it. Giving someone a million chances to show you they can change means you allowed 999,999 times before that they didn't really mean what they said. SEE the warning signs and act accordingly.
5. Would you walk away and start over with another person? Like the other man did in the reality of this.
I guess you have to ask yourself what your willing to accept and what your not willing to accept. You are basing all of this 'betrayal' on an internet relationship you started with someone a world away. Maybe she found comfort in talking to men from around the world. Maybe it made her feel special, and wanted. Maybe she equates that feeling of being needed, and desired, as love. Despite what she shared with you via typed words online, when it came time for face to face interactions she was completely different than she was online. (according to you). So ask yourself if you're willing to accept what she's willing to give and be ok with it. I would move on. Knowing that I cannot go backwards in where my thoughts are on love I'd have to wish them the best and keep going.
6. Does time matter within a relationship?
Time? Meaning? Big area to cover when I don't know what direction that question goes in. Time together means NOTHING if all it does is pass by. Quantity of time together means nothing compared to quality of time spent together. You can be with someone for 50 years and never really know them. You can meet someone and feel as if you've known them your whole life. What you put into it is what you get out of it.
You have reverted back to you habit of telling people they are "wrong" Do you not recall when people here began to stridently objecting to you because of this habit ?
You hooked up with a liar. Welcome to the real world.
No Les..I AM trusting...you ARE naive.
You have reverted back to you habit of telling people they are "wrong" Do you not recall when people here began to stridently objecting to you because of this habit ?
You hooked up with a liar. Welcome to the real world.
you didnt "fall in love" you decided that based on an internet connection ONLY that you would go "claim" her. You were conned just like thousands upon thousands of otheres who are naive enough to believe what they are told.
You think that your "style " of love is appealing. TO me, it sounds smothering and far too possessive.
And you are wrong about "women like her" being so unique. They are very vey common. What youare failing to see is the reality of your plight. That is fairly typical of you. Believe what you want then get hurt because reality isnt run by your imagination.
you were so busy "conveying yourself" that you failed to see that she was just telling you what you wanted to hear.I dont nned to see any of your conversations to know that there probably dozens of red flags that a normal person would have noticed. AS Irocas has so aptly pointed you, you are ill-equiped for reality.
In the end , you are a very naive person.
you didnt "fall in love" you decided that based on an internet connection ONLY that you would go "claim" her. You were conned just like thousands upon thousands of otheres who are naive enough to believe what they are told.
You think that your "style " of love is appealing. TO me, it sounds smothering and far too possessive.
And you are wrong about "women like her" being so unique. They are very vey common. What youare failing to see is the reality of your plight. That is fairly typical of you. Believe what you want then get hurt because reality isnt run by your imagination.
you were so busy "conveying yourself" that you failed to see that she was just telling you what you wanted to hear.I dont nned to see any of your conversations to know that there probably dozens of red flags that a normal person would have noticed. AS Irocas has so aptly pointed you, you are ill-equiped for reality.
You got to know her over the internet. Think about that statement.
Anything I choose to type is my truth until discovered, uncovered, or revealed. For instance:
Im a doctor, Im a lawyer, Im a model, Im a unemployed.........
I have a mansion, I own 2 homes, I made a million in real estate, Im homeless
I love you, I could only love one man, I love who ever is online at the moment, you are all I want, You are all I need till we sign off
I can say anything I want and if our conversation was in a private screen, one on one, you'd assume that I was being truthful. BUT you're way to old to NOT understand that actions speak louder than words. That those that talk the talk don't always walk the walk.
How could you be so surprised by her actual scenerio??? You only knew what she allowed you to know. You never saw her on a daily basis or dropped by her place etc. You 'dated' online. Then showed up unannounced at her place.
Comparing notes with some other man and confirming things etc. should be all you need to never allow that to happen again.
Life's hardest lessons learned are lived.
You got to know her over the internet. Think about that statement.
Anything I choose to type is my truth until discovered, uncovered, or revealed. For instance:
Im a doctor, Im a lawyer, Im a model, Im a unemployed.........
I have a mansion, I own 2 homes, I made a million in real estate, Im homeless
I love you, I could only love one man, I love who ever is online at the moment, you are all I want, You are all I need till we sign off
I can say anything I want and if our conversation was in a private screen, one on one, you'd assume that I was being truthful. BUT you're way to old to NOT understand that actions speak louder than words. That those that talk the talk don't always walk the walk.
How could you be so surprised by her actual scenerio??? You only knew what she allowed you to know. You never saw her on a daily basis or dropped by her place etc. You 'dated' online. Then showed up unannounced at her place.
Comparing notes with some other man and confirming things etc. should be all you need to never allow that to happen again.
You certainly put all of your eggs in one basket don't you? You compared emails with this other man. You discussed time lines with this other man. You and this other man were able to put together a string of lies she told.
Did you and this other man stop for one second and realize that this woman owed you and him NOTHING. YOU brought yourself there and you went based on an open invitation. Very foolish especially for someone that thinks he knows more than most others. You're an internet junkie like a lot of us. YOU can't recognize the warning signs yet? Come on.
Book smart can be learned. Knowledge can be absorbed. Theory can be reasoned. Experience can be gained. The brain is remarkable. Now, someone explain that to our hearts.
The heart has a mind all its own that logic and reasoning cannot comprehend or understand.
You certainly put all of your eggs in one basket don't you? You compared emails with this other man. You discussed time lines with this other man. You and this other man were able to put together a string of lies she told.
Did you and this other man stop for one second and realize that this woman owed you and him NOTHING. YOU brought yourself there and you went based on an open invitation. Very foolish especially for someone that thinks he knows more than most others. You're an internet junkie like a lot of us. YOU can't recognize the warning signs yet? Come on.
Book smart can be learned. Knowledge can be absorbed. Theory can be reasoned. Experience can be gained. The brain is remarkable. Now, someone explain that to our hearts.
The heart has a mind all its own that logic and reasoning cannot comprehend or understand.
thats sad and regretable. But you failed to take into consideration that she said those things without ever meeting you in real life.
I too have a relationship based on trust that would devastate me if I found out he were lying about it. Difference is that we have had a real life relationship for years before being seperated by tragic events.
What I can tell you is this.REAL trust is a very rare commodity. You were naive and got hurt. I am sorry that happened. But all it means is that you are in the REAL world.
I guarantee that her being from a different cultre IS a major factor of her sexual proclivities. She saw nothing wrong with multiple partners and in her world..there isnt. You are trying to apply YOUR cultural standards and guidelines on her. To her, it was NONE of your business who she had sex with. Your questions were inappropriate in her culture and Im sure she felt justified in lying to you about it. It was NOT your business or right to ask her. The concept of Morality IS DIRECTLY related to the parameters of one's culture. SHe wasnt amoral in her culture..but you were intrusive and assumed far too much.
You showed up out of the blue with no notice. We all told you not to do it. You thought you knew best and you were wrong.And you got hurt because you would not listen to reason.
To have unprotected sex with a person you just met is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard from you. That kind of behavior can kill you. Stop being naive. For the next six months,,you are going to have to be tested. Next time,,dont put YOUR standards onto someone else. You have to take the as they ARE,,not as you think they should be.
thats sad and regretable. But you failed to take into consideration that she said those things without ever meeting you in real life.
I too have a relationship based on trust that would devastate me if I found out he were lying about it. Difference is that we have had a real life relationship for years before being seperated by tragic events.
What I can tell you is this.REAL trust is a very rare commodity. You were naive and got hurt. I am sorry that happened. But all it means is that you are in the REAL world.
I guarantee that her being from a different cultre IS a major factor of her sexual proclivities. She saw nothing wrong with multiple partners and in her world..there isnt. You are trying to apply YOUR cultural standards and guidelines on her. To her, it was NONE of your business who she had sex with. Your questions were inappropriate in her culture and Im sure she felt justified in lying to you about it. It was NOT your business or right to ask her. The concept of Morality IS DIRECTLY related to the parameters of one's culture. SHe wasnt amoral in her culture..but you were intrusive and assumed far too much.
You showed up out of the blue with no notice. We all told you not to do it. You thought you knew best and you were wrong.And you got hurt because you would not listen to reason.
To have unprotected sex with a person you just met is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard from you. That kind of behavior can kill you. Stop being naive. For the next six months,,you are going to have to be tested. Next time,,dont put YOUR standards onto someone else. You have to take the as they ARE,,not as you think they should be.
However, meeting someone from over the internet is entirely different than meeting someone in person. You have no idea what this person really looks like, or does for a living. They can lie through their teeth about everything. The only way to know the truth is in person, face to face.
Obviously this women did not expect you to arrive on her doorstep. She got caught in her lies and deceit. Bad timing with the IM coming through while you were on the computer. And I'm sure she never expected you to follow up with emails etc. with the other men in her life. The instant you sat in front of HER computer, she lost all privacy. She was playing a dangerous game, and she got caught, and she lost.
End of story. Move on.
VL, I am sorry that this has happened to you.
However, meeting someone from over the internet is entirely different than meeting someone in person. You have no idea what this person really looks like, or does for a living. They can lie through their teeth about everything. The only way to know the truth is in person, face to face.
Obviously this women did not expect you to arrive on her doorstep. She got caught in her lies and deceit. Bad timing with the IM coming through while you were on the computer. And I'm sure she never expected you to follow up with emails etc. with the other men in her life. The instant you sat in front of HER computer, she lost all privacy. She was playing a dangerous game, and she got caught, and she lost.
Wow Les. That really sux. But the silver lining to that dark cloud is that your ideas were not accepted there and you didn't have to move there and deal with her on a daily basis. She is obviously not the caliber of woman she portrayed herself to you. You are lucky you found out before you made life altering changes to be with her.
Wow Les. That really sux. But the silver lining to that dark cloud is that your ideas were not accepted there and you didn't have to move there and deal with her on a daily basis. She is obviously not the caliber of woman she portrayed herself to you. You are lucky you found out before you made life altering changes to be with her.
You met someone via the internet. The world comes into your home. Just like it came into your "girlfriend's". You live 1/2 the world away from her.
Im surprised how shocked you were that she might have other interests besides you. Honesty over a computer is just typed words. Integrity and values cannot be understood via a screen name and whatever someone cares to share.
You met someone via the internet. The world comes into your home. Just like it came into your "girlfriend's". You live 1/2 the world away from her.
Im surprised how shocked you were that she might have other interests besides you. Honesty over a computer is just typed words. Integrity and values cannot be understood via a screen name and whatever someone cares to share.
we all told you that going there to surprize her was not a good idea. She is not married nor engaged and had every right to be with as many men as she wanted.
I am sorry your were disappointed and hurt. But she is right about her privacy as well. You had no right to talk to anyone on her accounts.
You just showed up out of the blue. No warning, no planning. YOu might have made a real go of a relationship if you had not delved into her privacy. She may have preferred you to any others IF you had just let things progress on their own.
The culture in the Netherlands is vastly different than ours regarding sex. Its generally just something to do..a pleasant activity. Its not fraught with all the emotional entanglements us typical americans heap upon it. Large parts of comsopolition Russia are the same way. So her having sex with you likely didnt mean all that much to her.
AS for all the universities...every no is one step closer to a yes. But you should have anticipated that as well.
Disappointment is never pleasant. Even when a person is well aware of the potential outcome.
YOu believe in things that few others give credience to. That is your right. Its a sad fact of human nature that a majority has to see merit in an idea before committing resources to its developement.
I suggest you concentrate on finding a rouge investor who has a track record of being bold and innovative. Then spend a great deal of time honing a business plan and formal presentation tailored specicfically for that person. Without careful research, the skills to present your ideas in a n effective manner,,you are just some long haired nut case off the streets.
Reality is far harsher than what I have said. You cant turn a dream into reality without doing what the rest of society deems necessary to prove your legitimacy.
You still have a long time left to live. Take that time and put it towards reachable goals that WILL give you legitimacy in the sectors you wish to enter. Once that is established, others may be willing to listen to your far-out schemes and why you think they may benefit mankind.
we all told you that going there to surprize her was not a good idea. She is not married nor engaged and had every right to be with as many men as she wanted.
I am sorry your were disappointed and hurt. But she is right about her privacy as well. You had no right to talk to anyone on her accounts.
You just showed up out of the blue. No warning, no planning. YOu might have made a real go of a relationship if you had not delved into her privacy. She may have preferred you to any others IF you had just let things progress on their own.
The culture in the Netherlands is vastly different than ours regarding sex. Its generally just something to do..a pleasant activity. Its not fraught with all the emotional entanglements us typical americans heap upon it. Large parts of comsopolition Russia are the same way. So her having sex with you likely didnt mean all that much to her.
AS for all the universities...every no is one step closer to a yes. But you should have anticipated that as well.
Disappointment is never pleasant. Even when a person is well aware of the potential outcome.
YOu believe in things that few others give credience to. That is your right. Its a sad fact of human nature that a majority has to see merit in an idea before committing resources to its developement.
I suggest you concentrate on finding a rouge investor who has a track record of being bold and innovative. Then spend a great deal of time honing a business plan and formal presentation tailored specicfically for that person. Without careful research, the skills to present your ideas in a n effective manner,,you are just some long haired nut case off the streets.
Reality is far harsher than what I have said. You cant turn a dream into reality without doing what the rest of society deems necessary to prove your legitimacy.
You still have a long time left to live. Take that time and put it towards reachable goals that WILL give you legitimacy in the sectors you wish to enter. Once that is established, others may be willing to listen to your far-out schemes and why you think they may benefit mankind.
Aww sorry to hear the love story ended in tears. However a woman who sends keys to a man over the internet who she has never met is an obvious concern. So I imagined there to be a drama of some sort. I'm sure you will find someone nice.
sarah :-)
Aww sorry to hear the love story ended in tears. However a woman who sends keys to a man over the internet who she has never met is an obvious concern. So I imagined there to be a drama of some sort. I'm sure you will find someone nice.
people..he is "supposed" to be traveling ! Do you check on the blogs when YOU GO overseas ? I dont. He said he was going to be in the Netherlands for his birthday..which is March 1, so I'de guess he wont be back until after that.
people..he is "supposed" to be traveling ! Do you check on the blogs when YOU GO overseas ? I dont. He said he was going to be in the Netherlands for his birthday..which is March 1, so I'de guess he wont be back until after that.
Now VL you have the right idea sort of!!. If she did send you the keys to her house i think an acknowledgement of you showing up would have been expected even in that case. No one likes that kind of surprise as i am sure she doesn't think you'd come without informing her. I think she will be upset you catching her without any preparation. Hope she hides it well. Now a really good scenario would have been(now that the deed is done) to get a room close to her. Find a romantic restaurant. Call her as if you were at home. Tell her to get on her best duds and that she is expected at so and so place at 7pm. Put a rose on her plate. Sit at the bar and have the maitre D show her the way to where you are. That way she can scope you out as well as you her. Have your favorite drinks ready to share and voilla she will be a happy camper because she is looking beautiful!.
I wish you well and hope you will have a great story to tell!
Now VL you have the right idea sort of!!. If she did send you the keys to her house i think an acknowledgement of you showing up would have been expected even in that case. No one likes that kind of surprise as i am sure she doesn't think you'd come without informing her. I think she will be upset you catching her without any preparation. Hope she hides it well. Now a really good scenario would have been(now that the deed is done) to get a room close to her. Find a romantic restaurant. Call her as if you were at home. Tell her to get on her best duds and that she is expected at so and so place at 7pm. Put a rose on her plate. Sit at the bar and have the maitre D show her the way to where you are. That way she can scope you out as well as you her. Have your favorite drinks ready to share and voilla she will be a happy camper because she is looking beautiful!.
I wish you well and hope you will have a great story to tell!
